Going Out

We are still trying to figure out how we maintain going out and "partying" with our friends. We are just tired enough that staying up past 11 pm is really quite difficult. Last night we went over to celebrate the "cheese" graduating from college. Skyler is such a champ. He was quite drowsy on the way over, stayed up a little bit longer and hung out with some people, then John put him down in his car seat in the cheeses room. I stayed until about 11 pm, then I was just too pooped to have a conversation. Ah well. I feel like at least we are getting out a little bit. And thinking about it, there is a point in the not-too-distant future when I am no longer breastfeeding, that we can go out late and have some fun. I guess I should just appreciate these moments and try not to get anxious. It's sill to think that you don't have to change your lifestyle when you have a baby, when you have the sort of lifestyle that we did. When most parties don't even start until 11:00 pm, you simply can't force your baby to be on super late-night sleep cycle. They have their own cycle and it is probably in your best interest to adhere to it. 

Little Moments

It's these little moments. My life has suddenly become so fragmented, living from one brief moment to the next. I'm not sure if it is good or bad, it just is. I am so used to have most of a day to accomplish a few tasks, ie; at some point today I need to get to the grocery store. It is amazing how complicated that becomes when you have a baby. All of the sudden getting to the grocery store involves impecable timing between breastfeeding, diaper changing, outfit changing, and sleeping. Then you have to make sure you have what you need before you go. What if he poops everywhere? Need to bring an extra outfit. What if he's sleeping? Need to bring the OTHER stroller that I can pop the car seat into. What if he needs to eat? Should park in the shade in case I have to feed him in the car. Ok. NOW I can go. But first, double check that I have diapers and wipes, wouldn't want to leave without those. 

Then I have these little moments for myself. I am still learning how to not be stressed about the short, unpredictable moments for myself. Like, what do I do when I have 10 minutes? Or what do I do when I think I might have an hour, but it turns into only 10 minutes? What an amazing lesson in patience and letting go having a baby is. I am appreciating every moment for what it is, and never holding on to any ideas of what it should or could be, only what it is. 

Newness

I sit here staring intensely at my four-month old wondering when signs of that precious morning nap will surface so I can; a) write more of this blog, b) check my email, c) take a shower, d) unload and load the dishwasher, e) make the bed, f) take a shower, g) fold the laundry that I keep trying to get to, h) read two pages of my book, and, i) take a nap. Unfortunately, there obviously isn't enough time to do all of those things in one hour. But, if he decides to take one of those blissful 1.5 hour naps and I work efficiently, I might be able to get everything in except for the nap. Ahhhh, motherhood. So this is my life. I have to admit, I feel that I was somehow longing for it. 

Pre-baby I was filling my time with creative obsessions like sewing, gardening, backpacking, writing, smoking weed and talking about "how weird it would be if..."  Now I feel like it was all prep for that day when I would have to figure out how to handle the responsibility of another human life while juggling a million little tasks all while operating on very little sleep. Maybe all of the late-night partying, early morning chaos, years of DJ-ing, hundreds of camp-outs, trips to Burning Man, camping in the middle of the desert, six-week-long road trips, outdoor gear obsessions, and the search for sunny weird spots was  all just training for this chapter in our lives. 

It is now 2:20 in the afternoon. It's been a beautiful, mellow day. Skyler had his first Johnny Jump Up experience today. At first, he really liked it and was giggling and smiling.  Then, he gets all cracked out and starts to fuss. But those first seven minutes sure are glorious! I got a little ambitious and also introduced him to the excersaucer since the Johnny Jumper went so well. I think that might have been a little much for one day. He looked a little freaked out by all of the almost-reachable plastic jingle jangle. Not only that, Skyler has been sleeping in his own room in his crib for the past two nights. I think that is enough new stuff for one week! This afternoon we sat out in the shade on the patio John made under the crabapple tree with Pete and chatted for a nice long while. Pete helped me feel good about going back to work. It will be good for me, and good for Skyler also. 

I am tempted to dig into a rant about baby gear, but I think I will save it for a separate post. The massive topic certainly deserves it's own post, I think I have a lot to say about it. I am going to shoot for a nap and see how it goes. 

Unfortunately, the phone rang and Skyler only slept for 45 minutes. But I did find an interesting website. A woman that reviews baby gear: www.gearheadmom.com.